Self Talk Analysis » sexlife

Healing of Addictions

rwcreasy — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 17:22:36 +0000

II Corinthians 4:16-17 encourages us to not lose heart or become discouraged even though our outer man is decaying, our inner man is being renewed each day. It’s a daily “process” in which light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison.

God seems to transform and bring healing to us in at least two distinct ways; an instantaneous miracle, or through a process of peeling back multiple layers of spiritual, emotional, and psychological walls, often compared to “peeling an onion.” This latter process usually occurs over extended periods of time often requiring years or even a lifetime to accomplish.

In my experience with counseling those struggling with sexual addictions and sexual sins, transforming healing and freedom occurs during a process over time. I’ve also observed this “healing process” with drug addictions as well. During the process there are often “slip-ups” where the person who has resolved never to go back, never to “use” again, returns to use the drug or view the pornography once more.

While we know that God has the power to instantly heal and bring recovery, I believe he uses this restorative process over time to vividly demonstrate the destructive, deadly, consequences that sin brings not only to the individual but to family and friends surrounding the person. It helps one to realize the “awfulness” of the sin which drives us to our knees in daily submission and supplication to our Father for help. The process also reveals to us the magnificence and depth of His grace when we are totally and completely dependent on God for deliverance. Remember God spoke to Paul about his struggles and said “my grace is sufficient.” God did not instantly bring healing or restoration to Paul regarding the “thorn in the flesh.” I believe he wanted to use this opportunity to demonstrate his grace and power in Paul’s life.

The story of Joseph in Genesis perfectly describes a healing process. God could have instantly taken revenge on the brothers who tried to kill Joseph. He could have made Joseph ruler in Egypt at any time. But he didn’t. We’re provided a narrative that tells of how Joseph was left for dead, slandered, accused of rape, and imprisoned before being placed in authority to save his family. It was a process. All the evil that was hoisted upon Joseph, God turned it around and made something beautiful and good that saved his entire family from death.

Genesis 50:20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

Look at the process that God took Abraham and Sara through. Why didn’t God just give them a son during their youthful years? Why did he wait 100 years before giving them a child? It was through this extended period of time that Abraham proved his faith and God demonstrated his powerful hand to accomplish what he promised he would.

I believe God can take the evil that haunts and seeks to destroy our lives and make something good from it. Addictive behaviors are always the tip of the iceberg. It’s what we observe from the outside. God wants to uncover the often hidden root causes, the emotional and psychological wounds, unforgiveness, anger, self reliance and pride, that support and give way to the addictive behaviors. True restoration, freedom and healing from these types of wounds will take time to explore and allow the Holy Spirit to reveal new insights within our hearts which will bring lasting transformation.

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The Neurobiology of Addictions

rwcreasy — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 00:07:58 +0000

Yup you read it right. Neurobiology is a big word for how the brain works. Addictions are those things we can’t stop doing because it feels good. Sexual arousal parallels that of cocaine in its relationship to “pleasure” chemicals in the brain (dopamine for those of you with inquiring minds). Studies show that as far as the brain is concerned, a reward is a reward, whether it’s food, sex, porn, gambling (gamblin for those of you in Tennessee), or shopping. Due to an impaired functioning of certain parts of the brain (frontal cortex for those of you with inquiring minds), individuals with addictions are not able to objectively judge the dangers, risks, or negative impact of their behavior.

This leads to instant gratification of impulsive cravings. These “pleasure” chemicals mimic the cocaine “high.” Many addictions (especially sexual addictions) stem from the fear of abandonment. These individuals do not trust themselves or others. They find comfort in their addictive, compulsive, and fantasy which is a false substitute for the true intimacy they are searching for. In the past heard others and I myself have mistakenly made the statement about addicts, “why don’t they just stop?” or “they could stop is they wanted to.” Well, it’s more complicated than that. The addictive behavior is only the symptom. The behavior will continue until the root cause (eg fear of abandonment) is healed by God and/or through counseling and therapy.

For more information contact www.thepeacemakercenter.org or rwcreasy@gmail.com

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The Need for Strong Fathers

rwcreasy — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 16:23:47 +0000

Despite the MSM’s attempt to “dumb” down the role of men in society by sarcasm and “put-downs” whether it’s in TV commercials, sit-coms, or news stories, which tries to belittle men and their significance, strong fathers are needed even more than ever. Fathers need to lead and be engaged with the family. Bradford Wilcox is professor of Sociology at University of Virginia has written a great article which documents the facts as opposed to myths about today’s fathers. When dads are engaged, teen depression and delinquency is decreased. Affectionate fathers are critical to steering daughters away from early sexual activity. Dare I say (the evidence says) dads are even more critical to preventing early sexual activity by daughters than mothers.

So, Hurray for Dads everywhere. Hurray for potential Dads everywhere. Let’s celebrate our God given gifts to lead, protect, provide for our family.

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Double Standards

rwcreasy — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 00:20:12 +0000

I’m sure it goes on regardless of who wields power in Washington, but I can’t recall more examples of double standards not only within the govt but also in the public. It’s recently been revealed that BO’s Supreme Court nominee Sotomayor maintains membership in an exclusive elite all women’s club (Belizean Grove). We’ve already discussed her racist remarks in which she opined that a Latina female would be capable of making a better decision than a white male. Would a white male be approved for the highest court in the land with a similar membership in an all men’s fraternity and then making racist comments alluding to male superiority? Really. See how this sounds. Try to visualize John McCain saying, “I would like to think that a caucasion male would be able to make a better decision than a Latina woman.” The height of hypocrisy.

Then there’s tired and worn out David Letterman in an ill conceived dumb effort to increase his ratings by insulting the Palin’s with a sexually perverted comment about her 14 yr old daughter getting “knocked up” by A Rod. Where are the liberal women’s groups to speak out about his mysoginistic comments? No where to be found. Can you imagine the outcry if this joke had been told by conservative republican about a Nancy Pelosi and her daughter? There would be street riots calling for his resignation. But, NOW (National Organization for Women) has yet to make a peep of renunciation for DL’s remarks. But forget about women’s activists, where are the normal everyday men and women who find DL’s comments repulsive?

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What Are You Telling Yourself About (shhhh Sex?)

rwcreasy — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 00:42:19 +0000

Now that I have your undivided attention….a recent study published in Cognitive Therapy Research investigated the differences between individuals with and without sexual dysfunction on the automatic thought content (WAYTY–here and forever more known as What Are You Telling Yourself) during sexual activity. Results indicated that both men and women experiencing sexual dysfunction (loss of libido, inability to reach orgasm or achieve erection) report significantly more negative thoughts during sexual activity compared to sexually healthy individuals. Women experiencing sexual dysfunction engage in self talk and cognitions that most often include the following; “I’m not satisfying my partner,” “I’m not getting turned on,” “When will this be over,” and sexual abuse recall like “this is disgusting,” “he only wants to satisfy himself,” and thoughts of not being cared for or lack of affection, low self esteem and negative thoughts about their body image.

Men, on the other hand, reported negative self talk such as “I must be able to have intercourse, ” “I must achieve an erection,” “this is not going anywhere,” “I’m going to fail,” and lack of erotic thoughts.

These negative thoughts are strongly associated with sexual dysfunction.

The role of the counselor would primarily focus on helping the client identify negative thoughts and reframe them to more positive thoughts.

One’s framework of thinking about sex (like anything else) can be shaped by past experiences such as previous sexual abuse, use of or exposure to pornography, physical illness, concern about aging, and other bodily functions.

Sexual intimacy is a vital component of a vibrant marriage relationship. Our self talk (WAYTY) has a dramatic effect on how we approach intimacy.

If you would like additional information or to speak with a counselor, click on the www.thepeacemakercenter.org on the title page.

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