What are you telling yourself on Christmas Eve?

An evening with Rick Creasy

12/24/2009

Rick: Are there any questions for me tonight?

Clint: I have a question. I like Fox News but I’m trying to figure out how can I get more Fox news. I know it comes in on the TV, but is there any other place I can get Fox News?

Rick: Yeah, I think Bill O’Reilly has a book out….Fresh…something. You can get it on the internet, do you have internet? Cause you know Al Gore discovered the internet and it’s really begun to take over. So if you have the internet you should check it out

Grandma Howard: And what about getting it on the iPOD?

Rick: That’s a great question, Grandma! And this is coming from my 87 year-old m other in law, and she’s right, the iPod would be an excellent way to capture Fox News

So does that answer your question?

Grandma Howard: I’ve got a question. I’m really worried about health insurance. Should I stay with Medicare or go with a younger group?

Rick: That’s a great question. Nanny is going to provide for you. Fo shizzle. And for example, if you like waiting in line at the post office, you’re going to love waiting in line for healthcare. Just take me for example, just the other day I was in line for stamps for over 30 minutes.

Grandma Howard: So did you stamp while you were waiting in line for stamps…?

Rick: But really, the White House and Barak Obama are doing everything they can do to take from one and give to another

Grandma Howard: Really, what did you do while you were waiting in line for stamps? Did your feet stamp at all?

Sarah: I have a question. What advice would you give to a girl who’s married into a family for about a year and three months and is just starting to wonder what she should call her in-laws. Has she missed the boat on calling them mom and dad?

Rick: Come to think of it I’m not sure what you’ve been calling me in the past. Dad would probably be a better substitute. You know, my boys call me rick, so it doesn’t really matter at all. The most important thing is that there’s a lot of love and devotion especially when it comes to me. Really all it takes is loyalty, dedication, and devotion and unwavering loyalty. But seriously, on’t call me the old man. Rick, pops, or P. Diddy will do.

Kathy: What should I do about my dining room? I’ve got this great Hinkle Harris table but no chairs chairs? And if I get either the Hinkle Harris Schillbacks or Chippendale chairs and does that mean that I can’t get drapes too?

Rick: I’m glad you asked, and this may take up the rest of the night…

I’m sitting here looking at the dining room and it’s lovely but you know what, it’s been 13 years that we’ve been living here and there are no chairs. Get the chairs…I think I could give the same advice about drapes…I mean I only make 50,000 dollars a year so you’ll have to figure out where the money is coming, but honestly you do the books and you know what’s best anyway but I’m going to flip fast forward and reverse it and just say you do the books, you get it done.  GET THE CHAIRS AND THE DRAPES

Lee: I can’t come up with question.

Rick: Well then, I advise to get with it and start asking me for more advice.

Lee: I want advice on what advice should I get from you?

Rick: Lee, you need all the advice I can give you which basically includes every move you would ever make. Such as having a child, buying a car, what color slacks, hairstyle, buying a house, music, facial hair, video games. And by the way you’ve been watching way too many video games. And another thing you need advice on is time management.

Grandma Howard: I have a question, did you give advice that you weren’t asked to give

Rick: I doubt it.

Kathy: I’d like for us to take a vote. Has Rick ever given us advice that we didn’t ask for?

Clint: Yes

Grandma Howard: No

Lee: Yes

Sarah: I’m loyal Dad!

Kathy: YES YES YES!

Rick: Nobody ever goes for my advice anyway. They juste wear what they want to wear, do what they want to do, buy what they want to buy. Also, no one gets my sense of humor.

Fo sheazy.

So, Goodnight and God bless…and could someone please explain the economy to Katie Couric?