So now, I’m off to the store.  Ok, first lesson, never, never shop at Wegmans on Monday mornings.  Their cupboards are also bear from the ransacking they took over the weekend.  The collard greens were yellow (for you yankees, they’re supposed to be bright verdant green),  No tomato sauce, or fresh grapefruit juice either.  Enough, you get the picture.  So now I notice  there are only two categories of people in the entire store; either the very old with grey hair ( I guess I qualify now), or young mothers with kids in shopping carts which look like model airplanes.  It’s dodge cars as you’ve never seen it (remember the dodge cars at the state fairs? The ones which have the electric sparking cable attached to the ceiling?)  Well that’s what its like.  Several grandmothers were nearly ran over by moms  rushing for the blue light special in the opposite corner of the store.  Wild as usual.

But what got my attention and brought me back to the present, a very enjoyable moment of course, was the red faced toddler standing up in the shopping cart (designed to look like a model airplane) who was announcing his unhappiness to the entire produce section.  Then I watched as the mom, bend over, without effort and softly plant a  “mothers” kiss to his sweaty forehead.  It was magical and facinating to see the calming effect of …what else…LOVE.  The tears dried up, and a big smile came on his smudged face.  See what a kiss can do?   Find the one you love right now and go plant a kiss on their cheek and see what happens…..

God seems to transform and bring healing to us in at least two distinct ways;  an instantaneous miracle, or through a process of peeling back multiple layers of spiritual, emotional, and psychological walls, often compared to “peeling an onion.”  This latter process usually occurs over extended periods of time often requiring years or even a lifetime to accomplish.

In my experience with counseling those struggling with sexual addictions and sexual sins, transforming healing and freedom occurs during a process over time.  I’ve also observed this “healing process” with drug addictions as well. During the process there are often “slip-ups” where the person who has resolved never to go back, never to “use” again, returns to use the drug or view the pornography once more.

While we know that God has the power to instantly heal and bring recovery, I believe he uses this restorative process over time to vividly demonstrate the destructive, deadly, consequences that sin brings not only to the individual but to family and friends surrounding the person.  It helps one to realize the “awfulness” of the sin which drives us to our knees in daily submission and supplication to our Father for help.  The process also reveals to us the magnificence and depth of His grace when we are  totally and completely dependent on God for deliverance.  Remember God spoke to Paul about his struggles and said “my grace is sufficient.” God did not instantly bring healing or restoration to Paul regarding the “thorn in the flesh.”  I believe he wanted to use this opportunity to demonstrate his grace and power in Paul’s life.

The story of Joseph in Genesis perfectly describes a healing process.  God could have instantly taken revenge on the brothers who tried to kill Joseph.  He could have made Joseph ruler in Egypt at any time.  But he didn’t.  We’re provided a narrative that tells of how Joseph was left for dead, slandered, accused of rape, and  imprisoned before being placed in authority to save his family.  It was a process.  All the evil that was hoisted upon Joseph, God turned it around and made something beautiful and good that saved his entire family from death.

Genesis 50:20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

Look at the process that God took Abraham and Sara through.  Why didn’t God just give them a son during their youthful years?  Why did he wait 100 years before giving them a child?  It was through this extended period of time that Abraham proved his faith and God demonstrated his powerful hand to accomplish what he promised he would.

I believe God can take the evil that haunts and seeks to destroy our lives and make something good from it.  Addictive behaviors are always the tip of the iceberg.  It’s what we observe from the outside. God wants to uncover the often hidden root causes, the emotional and psychological wounds, unforgiveness, anger, self reliance and pride, that support and give way to the addictive behaviors.  True restoration, freedom and healing from these types of wounds will take time to explore and allow the Holy Spirit to reveal new insights within our hearts which will bring lasting transformation.

Adopted in conference at Sharon, Connecticut, on 11 September 1960.

² Then God said, “Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about.”

Can you imagine hearing the voice of God telling you to do such an insane thing?  But Abraham had astounding faith and he recognized the voice of God.  Don’t know about you, I have trouble with both having faith and recognizing the voice of God.  But Abraham responded immediately “Here I am.”  He had an ear for hearing God.  There was no confusion, no arguing, no questioning, no “but God…. but…. you said….” just obedience and preparations for the journey to the mountain of sacrifice.  How could he take Isaac, his only son, one that he had waited on for almost 100 years,  and embark on this journey to sacrificial death?  Genesis 22:5 perhaps provides a clue.  When Abraham, Isaac, the donkey, and 2 servants arrived at the mountain, Abraham told the servants to stay with the donkey and “we (Isaac and Abraham) will come back to you.”  I think he knew all along that God would provide, he just didn’t have the details yet.  It was his tremendous faith in God that allowed him to take Isaac on a  journey which to the natural eye appeared to be a death trap.  Abraham knew God and exercised faith in God that he would fulfill his promises.  True to form, Abraham pulled out his knife and was ready to slay his only son just as God had ordered.  But once again, Abraham’s keen sense and ability to discern and hear the voice of God was immediate.  An angel of the Lord called out to him from heaven, “Abraham! Abraham! And once again he replied, “Here I am.”  Most of you know how the story ended, but just in case, read the outcome in Genesis 22:-15.  He was not to lay a hand on the boy.  The Lord provided a ram for sacrifice.

Abraham must have had faith that God is a God of unlimited provision.  He called the place “The Lord will Provide.”  ”On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided”  What is this mountain of the Lord? Mountains often symbolize a tower of strength, immovable, permanent, wisdom, power, protection and magnificent beauty.

What aspects of your life do you need to exercise faith in God’s promises?  In your marriage, your relationships, your career, family, children, personal health?  I believe we can approach the “mountain of the Lord” where he provides a source of wisdom, strength, power, and protection from sin, from discouragement, guilt, shame, depression, anger, and various addictions.  Has God “promised” something to you but you don’t have the “details” just yet?

Yes, but “I’m not faithful like Abraham, I’ve had sin in my life,” or “I’ve made so many mistakes that I don’t think God would answer my prayers.”

Let me remind you that even though Abraham had tremendous, unwavering faith, he also demonstrated a lack of faith and even entered into sin on numerous occasions.  Let me start by listing a couple.  He lied about his wife Sarah being his sister on at least 2 separate occasions to protect himself.  Perhaps he is best known for sleeping with the maidservant Hagar and getting her pregnant with Ishmael. Significant consequences followed each of these sinful acts, but God was faithful and so was Abraham.  The New Testament refers to Abraham as “father of faith” not “that sinner who slept with Hagar.”

We’ve all sinned and fallen short of our high calling, but we can and must abide with our God on the mountain of provision each day.

I believe there are three things that keep American people up at night; the economy, jobs and unemployment, and national security.

Obama’s answer to fix these problems has been government takeover of banks, bailouts, complete overhaul of healthcare, take over of General Motors, “stimulus” packages, more entitlements, plans to tax the “rich,” carbon taxes on businesses, Copenhagen silliness, apologies to other countries for American greed and arrogance, releasing Gitmo detainees, relocating the camp of war criminals onto American soil, and providing lawyers to Khalid Sheik Mohammad (KSM) for a show trial in New York City.

If Washington elites like Pelosi, Reid and our Supreme Leader don’t have the mental and political acumen to understand what happened last night, then their demise and political fall will be sooner, harder than expected and good riddance. Have you noticed lately, we’re over taxed, overspending, broke, and Al Qaeda is trying to kill us while fools in Washington try to decipher whether Bill Clinton and Harry Reid’s comments “negro dialect” and some “boy serving us coffee”  were racist or not (and yes there is a double standard here but I’ll save that for another blog.) Congressional leaders are engaged in serial bribery by paying off senators Nelson from Nebraska and Landrieu from Louisiana to vote for a health care bill that no one wants, no one’s read. Closed door politics is a way of life in Washington even though our Supreme Leader promised in at least 8 campaign speeches that he would allow C Span to broadcast the health care negotiations. The people of Massachusetts demanded change from the current path of government “over-reach,” closed door deal-making that we’re witnessing, and inability of the Obama administration to prioritize and fix our critical lack of security from those who want to harm us. You remember, “the system worked.” ?

Seven Senate seats now held by Democrats are considered toss-ups in November — Nevada, Colorado, Arkansas, Illinois, Pennsylvania, Delaware and Connecticut. Four Republican seats are in the same situation — Missouri, Kentucky, Ohio and New Hampshire.

If a relatively unknown republican state legislator with a truck, in the heart of liberal, big government, Kennedyland, can win an election that’s been held by the democrat political machine for over 5 decades, WARNING, democrats and  RINO’s (republicans in name only) alike better be on the lookout. You’re at risk for losing your seat.  The American people are coming to take this country back from socialists, tax and spend politicians, American apologists, and Islamic extremist sympathizers, regardless of your party affiliation.

Right now I’m referring to it as Phase III for a lack of a better title. Phase I was my Growing Up years (the immature years), Phase II was my career years (also the immature years), and now Phase III. I’m all grown up (that depends on who you ask) and the path ahead is not marked.  I’ve never been here before.  Of course, it’s never been well marked.

Wow!  It’s been a great journey.  I started this career as a sales representative in Nashville October, 1978.  I remember this time of life so distinctly and clearly.  I had married Kathy in July of that same year and was working day and night (literally) as a surgical assistant at St. Thomas hospital.  It required long hours and being “on-call” at night.  I would often enter the door of our small apartment and then be called back to the Hospital to assist with an emergency procedure. Or I would doze off to a sound sleep only to hear the phone ring to let me know they needed me to return to the hospital.  Long hours and stress, and I was making about $13,000 annually.   I had applied to attend medical school and was anxiously awaiting their response. Driving home one dark night, I had not seen the sunshine for several days.  I went to work in the dark and I drove home in the dark.  Once inside the operating suite, there are no windows to allow in the outside rays of warm sunlight.  I remember praying “ok, God, I give up, I can’t do this anymore and I need you to intervene for me.”  I wanted a career, I was desperate for direction and I couldn’t do this by myself. I didn’t know where I was going and I didn’t know how I would get there.  That moment is still etched in my memory as if it happened only yesterday.  That night I received a phone call from a job search firm (head hunter) that changed the course of my life forever.  It launched a series of interviews which eventually resulted in a job offer.

My job has provided me the opportunity to travel extensively to places at minimal personal cost to me that I would never have been able to otherwise afford. I was fortunate to travel in Asia several times over the past 5 years conducting business in China, Singapore, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Malaysia, and others.   I’ve met famous people along the way;  Cicily Tyson, Kathleen Turner, Glenn Close, Harry Bellefonte, Bella Abzug, Leslie Sthal, Sugar Ray, senators, congressmen, Presidents Bill Clinton (at a distance), and George Bush Sr. (at a distance), and obtained the autograph of Mike Ditka.  I’ve eaten at fine restaurants in the country and slept in the Ritz Carlton. I’ve been able to visit most of the great cities across our beautiful country. I’ve met and worked with doctors who have pioneered new treatments for Women’s Healthcare, cardiology, contraception, diabetes, osteoporosis, and heart disease. I’m not listing this as bragging points or to name drop, I’m just trying to explain the personal benefits my career has afforded me and God’s blessings.

This has been an exciting and interesting career working for one of the best companies in the world.  Pharmaceutical companies have been maligned, targeted and accused of robbing the poor and much worse.  We haven’t done everything right and mistakes may have been made. Many corrective actions have been implemented and new regulations are now a way of life. Pharmaceutical companies are no different from governments, churches, or the UAW  (United Auto Workers) in the sense that you may find unethical and dishonest people in any large institution.  However, my experience has been that 99.9% of people I’ve come in contact with are diligent, honest, ethical, and hard working people.  Our employee parking lot is usually filled by 7 am each day.  Many of the people I work with put in 12 hour days and think nothing of it.  The knowledge obtained from research and the products we make and sell have literally saved millions of lives, extended the life expectancy, decreased suffering and improved the overall quality of life. If you’re reading this, you most likely have first hand  experience of what effective medications used in the appropriate patients, and prescribed in the correct manner can achieve.  If the government continues to support the import of drugs from Canada or other outside countries, and mandate the use of generics, the flow of new drugs and innovative treatments will diminish.  This industry will be extinct as a result of government over-reach.  Today, 8 of the top 10 drugs prescribed in the world are the result of US research, innovation, science, and technology of the pharmaceutical companies.

Fast forward from October 1978 to 2010. Along with Kathy’s loyalty, support, and other family members support, my job has helped purchase houses, cars, food, clothes, healthcare, vacations, retirement plans, savings accounts, 401K, recreation, and expensive educations for 2 boys. They’ve paid for my Master’s Degree which helped to launch my “second” career in counseling. The company’s success has allowed us to give to missions, travel for missions, and help finance others in the ministry. Again, please don’t think I’m bragging, but rather consider it a testimony to God’s provision and faithfulness. Considering depth and the scope of my blessings, my contribution has been negligible.

Enter Phase III.  It shall remain untitled for the time being. In fact, perhaps someone else will provide the moniker after time has passed. Currently, no theme or mile markers are visible. It is a new season of potential.  There are some things I want to accomplish and experience.  First of all, I want to live in the present more.  I can’t change the past and I don’t know what the future holds.  I can know the present and enjoy the moment. Living in the present means stopping long enough to listen and notice the store clerk, neighbors, the waiter and waitress, my family, my friends without regard to my next appointment or item on the “to do list.”  It’s intentional focus on what is being said and what is going on around me in the moment.  Conscious living in the present moment will allow me to experience the smell and scent of country ham frying in a black iron skillet on a cold Saturday morning.  I’ll feel the texture and moisture and warmth of sugary sand under my feet while walking the inlet shore of Oak Island in North Carolina, observe wild sea oats sprouting from white sand hills, gently reaching upward, swaying in the sweet smelling ocean breezes. It’s observing the backdrop to this natural exposition which is an azure clear sky above. In front of me, it’s the shimmering vast ocean which extends from east to west as far as the eye can see. Or it could be hanging out with Kathy on Parksville Lake in the East Tennessee mountains on a hot summer day swimming in clear cool water.  It might be traveling down Rt. 100 headed for family and friends in West Tennessee.  Perhaps it’s further south where Spanish moss hangs from aging oak trees; where noisy locusts and crickets break the silence of evening with screeching tunes and chatter. It’s sitting on my screened in porch on summer evenings facing orange hues of a southwest sunset.

So where do I go from here?  We’re looking at all options which include but not limited to; dedicating more time to my local church (wherever that may be), traveling, teaching at a college or university, working on an advanced degree in counseling, writing, opening a small restaurant, consulting, life coaching, career coaching, wintering in a very warm area of the country, well… you get the picture.  These are my interests and whatever we decide to do (with God’s guidance), it will be something that gives me great satisfaction and a sense of purpose.  Of course this is the planned approach to achieving our dreams.  We can’t see the unexpected, unpredictable and unknown curves that lie ahead.  Hopefully, we’ll continue to have excellent health and healthy kids.  Perhaps a grandchild (or two, or three) will suddenly appear. This much I know is true,

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Transcript (not verbatim) below:

I have often said I forgive you but even as I said these words, my heart remained angry or resentful.

I still wanted to hear the story that tells me that I was right after all; I still wanted to hear apologies and excuses.  I still wanted the satisfaction of receiving some praise in return.

But God’s forgiveness is unconditional; it comes from a heart that does not demand anything for itself, a heart that is completely empty of sell-seeking.

It is this divine forgiveness that I have to practice in my daily life.  It demands that I step over the wounded part of my heart that feels hurt and wronged and that wants to stay in control and put a few conditions between me and the one whom I as asked to forgive.

This stepping over is the authentic discipline of forgiveness.