Many clients (especially men) seeking help for depression, anger, or personality disorders, often describe their mother as cold, depressed, unavailable, ambivalent, distant, burdened, intimidated, lonely, and often a victim of abuse themselves.  The abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual in nature.  One must tell “self” the truth about our mothers in terms of their personal history, their struggles, and their emotional health in order for us to have peace and healthy emotional feelings.  Sometimes clients place the same expectations on their mother which may have severe emotional baggage and limitations, as those dream girls we see on TV, June Cleaver, Margaret Anderson, (Father Knows Best) Clair Huxtable, Harriet Nelson, and you get the picture.  But the truth often includes the fact that our mothers may have been a victim of abuse, and suffered severe mental disorders such as depression, anxiety, or a personality disorder.  The truth is, if our mother suffered from a mental disorder, abuse, or depression, they weren’t ABLE, they weren’t capable of giving us what we needed in order for us  to feel loved, nurtured, and significant. We can’t truthfully hold our mother (or our father but we’ll save that for later) responsible for fulfilling their cultural and God given role as “nurturer” if they are ill equipped, or emotionally damaged.  Problem is, when we’re 7  years old, we can’t process all this psycho babble, we just know we need love and nurturing.  As adults one has to accept the “fact” that “mother” may not be able to give us what we need to survive.  If this is the situation, we must realize that God will provide.  God knows that we need “mothering” and He will provide, whether through another  surrogate “mother” ie. grandmother, aunt, friend, “sister,” or other relative.  One also has to recognize that we are “worthy” and valuable in the eyes of God REGARDLESS of the quality or amount of nurturing one received from “mother.”  Sometimes, “mother” may not have given us what we needed, but we are still worthy and valuable in the eyes of God.  We are sons and daughters of the Father, regardless of our connection with our natural “mother.”  If your mother is living, send her flowers……show that you love her, regardless of what she has given you……

How will this angel of mercy extend a healing touch?  First, they’ll use stimulus funds (aka our tax dollars) to label menus and advertisements with the danger of calories, and perils of sodium, sugar, and fats.  Recently Massachusetts was awarded over $12 million in stimulus funds to do just that.  Secondly, the government vilifies and demonizes the food industry from Kraft to Crispy-Creme, to big Macs, Frito-Lay to Outback threatening to levy taxes on the cost of their ads unless they place warnings on unhealthy foods.   You’ve seen the warning disclosures currently required by the FDA on TV for pharmaceutical ads that run for 3 minutes listing every risk, every side effect known to mankind, that could ever possibly show up by taking this medication.  Picture it now, a  30 second TV ad for Hellman’s Mayonnaise would run 5 minutes in length; 30 seconds about the great taste and 4 minutes and 30 seconds warning you of diabetes, coronary artery disease, allergic reaction to eggs, rash, hives, diarrhea, glaucoma, nose bleeds, hyper-pigmentation and an erection lasting more than 24 hours. Please see your doctor, NOW!

There’s even an assault by food critics on the portion size that restaurants serve.

Is there anything our government won’t do to make our lives more comfy and safe?

To my knowledge there’s not a shred of evidence that demonstrates our government sponsored patchwork of weight loss, nutrition initiatives, and taxes on food products does anything to directly improve our health.  But we can all feel better knowing that someone in central planning is watching after us.

People’s exercise of free choice lies at the core of this issue.  Is there anyone with an IQ above 100 that does not understand over-indulgence of any product or activity (food, sugar, caffeine, salt, calories, lack of or over exercise) is unhealthy?  That message is out there.  People have knowledge and then make decisions.  The government in this case wants to make those decisions for you. Is it just me, or does it seem a little scary that the government wants to mandate the amount of salt and sugar I can use to season my food?

Shady Maple also has a farm market which specialized in fresh produce, deli meat, beef, pork, chicken, at a fair price, and a variety of “country offerings” including a cheap lunch for under $4.  They often offered fresh grilled chicken and bar-b-q and chips with drink.  Hey, Kathy and I were the youngest patrons in the dining area.  We felt great. It boosted our ego.

Well, the modern world has taken over and invaded our simple, country, Lancaster brand living and shopping. Where are the Amish when you really need them?

I visited Shady Maple store today and was sorely disappointed.  They’ve remodeled the entire store.  We saw this happening gradually but did not understand the full impact until today when we viewed the final product.  This time of year, we’re usually greeted by the expansive tent protecting a large variety of seasonal garden plants, flowers, and hanging baskets with Amish clerks manning the cash register.  Cash only please. The entrance has completely been remodeled, re-routed, there is no tent, there is instead a skimpy selection of yellowing geraniums and droopy tomato plants on display within the narrow entrance hall.  Yuk.  Is this progress?  I hate it.  They have completely destroyed the ambiance of simplicity and replaced it with a “modern” touch devoid of my reality, of times past and provide an inferior quality of product.

I”ve reluctantly accepted this transition, although I’m convinced it’s  a negative step headed in the wrong direction, called progress.  Why can’t we leave some things alone? Why do we feel the need to tile, rearrange, carpet, update and destroy articles of the past?  I loved the simplicity and calmness of Shady Maple dressed in 70’s attire. It was a step back in time.  Unfortunately, it’s been retooled, remodeled, reshaped, and no longer resembles anything I recognize or admire.  Why do things have to be so complicated today?

Although they still sell many items in bulk such as cumin, cereal, spices, oats, and I can find collard greens, cilantro, lemons and limes at at good price, I doubt that Kathy and I will travel the inspirational 30 minutes west on 322 as often. What’s the point?

Wegman’s, which is 10 minutes from hour home actually has better prices and higher quality produce. Their fresh baked rosemary/olive oil loaf is warm to the touch when I pick it up. It’s to die for.

I’m sad.  I feel like I’ve lost a good friend.  Good bye Shady Maple….I’ll miss you.

Apparently my membership to the “Pennsylvania Do Not Call List” recently expired.  I have been contacted in the last week by every charity known to humankind asking for my donation.  Political lawyers have also phoned to warn me of the impending doom which awaits our country (of which I’m already well aware of) asking for money so they can take our case to the Supreme Court.  I’m serious.  I received a recorded call from Dick Morris and one other dude (can’t remember his name) asking for a donation (I promised myself that I would not make this a political blog today).

So today, I’ve “re-signed” with the “Do Not Call” list and hopefully it will remedy this nuisance.  I’m not sure why we maintain the land line instead of switching entirely to cell phones.  Not a single person we know or friend calls the land line.  Of course our family and friends use the cell number.  Perhaps we feel more secure knowing that if the cell phone battery goes dead because we forgot to plug it in the night before, we still have a life line to the outside world of talk.

So now, I’m off to the store.  Ok, first lesson, never, never shop at Wegmans on Monday mornings.  Their cupboards are also bear from the ransacking they took over the weekend.  The collard greens were yellow (for you yankees, they’re supposed to be bright verdant green),  No tomato sauce, or fresh grapefruit juice either.  Enough, you get the picture.  So now I notice  there are only two categories of people in the entire store; either the very old with grey hair ( I guess I qualify now), or young mothers with kids in shopping carts which look like model airplanes.  It’s dodge cars as you’ve never seen it (remember the dodge cars at the state fairs? The ones which have the electric sparking cable attached to the ceiling?)  Well that’s what its like.  Several grandmothers were nearly ran over by moms  rushing for the blue light special in the opposite corner of the store.  Wild as usual.

But what got my attention and brought me back to the present, a very enjoyable moment of course, was the red faced toddler standing up in the shopping cart (designed to look like a model airplane) who was announcing his unhappiness to the entire produce section.  Then I watched as the mom, bend over, without effort and softly plant a  “mothers” kiss to his sweaty forehead.  It was magical and facinating to see the calming effect of …what else…LOVE.  The tears dried up, and a big smile came on his smudged face.  See what a kiss can do?   Find the one you love right now and go plant a kiss on their cheek and see what happens…..

² Then God said, “Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about.”

Can you imagine hearing the voice of God telling you to do such an insane thing?  But Abraham had astounding faith and he recognized the voice of God.  Don’t know about you, I have trouble with both having faith and recognizing the voice of God.  But Abraham responded immediately “Here I am.”  He had an ear for hearing God.  There was no confusion, no arguing, no questioning, no “but God…. but…. you said….” just obedience and preparations for the journey to the mountain of sacrifice.  How could he take Isaac, his only son, one that he had waited on for almost 100 years,  and embark on this journey to sacrificial death?  Genesis 22:5 perhaps provides a clue.  When Abraham, Isaac, the donkey, and 2 servants arrived at the mountain, Abraham told the servants to stay with the donkey and “we (Isaac and Abraham) will come back to you.”  I think he knew all along that God would provide, he just didn’t have the details yet.  It was his tremendous faith in God that allowed him to take Isaac on a  journey which to the natural eye appeared to be a death trap.  Abraham knew God and exercised faith in God that he would fulfill his promises.  True to form, Abraham pulled out his knife and was ready to slay his only son just as God had ordered.  But once again, Abraham’s keen sense and ability to discern and hear the voice of God was immediate.  An angel of the Lord called out to him from heaven, “Abraham! Abraham! And once again he replied, “Here I am.”  Most of you know how the story ended, but just in case, read the outcome in Genesis 22:-15.  He was not to lay a hand on the boy.  The Lord provided a ram for sacrifice.

Abraham must have had faith that God is a God of unlimited provision.  He called the place “The Lord will Provide.”  ”On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided”  What is this mountain of the Lord? Mountains often symbolize a tower of strength, immovable, permanent, wisdom, power, protection and magnificent beauty.

What aspects of your life do you need to exercise faith in God’s promises?  In your marriage, your relationships, your career, family, children, personal health?  I believe we can approach the “mountain of the Lord” where he provides a source of wisdom, strength, power, and protection from sin, from discouragement, guilt, shame, depression, anger, and various addictions.  Has God “promised” something to you but you don’t have the “details” just yet?

Yes, but “I’m not faithful like Abraham, I’ve had sin in my life,” or “I’ve made so many mistakes that I don’t think God would answer my prayers.”

Let me remind you that even though Abraham had tremendous, unwavering faith, he also demonstrated a lack of faith and even entered into sin on numerous occasions.  Let me start by listing a couple.  He lied about his wife Sarah being his sister on at least 2 separate occasions to protect himself.  Perhaps he is best known for sleeping with the maidservant Hagar and getting her pregnant with Ishmael. Significant consequences followed each of these sinful acts, but God was faithful and so was Abraham.  The New Testament refers to Abraham as “father of faith” not “that sinner who slept with Hagar.”

We’ve all sinned and fallen short of our high calling, but we can and must abide with our God on the mountain of provision each day.

Right now I’m referring to it as Phase III for a lack of a better title. Phase I was my Growing Up years (the immature years), Phase II was my career years (also the immature years), and now Phase III. I’m all grown up (that depends on who you ask) and the path ahead is not marked.  I’ve never been here before.  Of course, it’s never been well marked.

Wow!  It’s been a great journey.  I started this career as a sales representative in Nashville October, 1978.  I remember this time of life so distinctly and clearly.  I had married Kathy in July of that same year and was working day and night (literally) as a surgical assistant at St. Thomas hospital.  It required long hours and being “on-call” at night.  I would often enter the door of our small apartment and then be called back to the Hospital to assist with an emergency procedure. Or I would doze off to a sound sleep only to hear the phone ring to let me know they needed me to return to the hospital.  Long hours and stress, and I was making about $13,000 annually.   I had applied to attend medical school and was anxiously awaiting their response. Driving home one dark night, I had not seen the sunshine for several days.  I went to work in the dark and I drove home in the dark.  Once inside the operating suite, there are no windows to allow in the outside rays of warm sunlight.  I remember praying “ok, God, I give up, I can’t do this anymore and I need you to intervene for me.”  I wanted a career, I was desperate for direction and I couldn’t do this by myself. I didn’t know where I was going and I didn’t know how I would get there.  That moment is still etched in my memory as if it happened only yesterday.  That night I received a phone call from a job search firm (head hunter) that changed the course of my life forever.  It launched a series of interviews which eventually resulted in a job offer.

My job has provided me the opportunity to travel extensively to places at minimal personal cost to me that I would never have been able to otherwise afford. I was fortunate to travel in Asia several times over the past 5 years conducting business in China, Singapore, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Malaysia, and others.   I’ve met famous people along the way;  Cicily Tyson, Kathleen Turner, Glenn Close, Harry Bellefonte, Bella Abzug, Leslie Sthal, Sugar Ray, senators, congressmen, Presidents Bill Clinton (at a distance), and George Bush Sr. (at a distance), and obtained the autograph of Mike Ditka.  I’ve eaten at fine restaurants in the country and slept in the Ritz Carlton. I’ve been able to visit most of the great cities across our beautiful country. I’ve met and worked with doctors who have pioneered new treatments for Women’s Healthcare, cardiology, contraception, diabetes, osteoporosis, and heart disease. I’m not listing this as bragging points or to name drop, I’m just trying to explain the personal benefits my career has afforded me and God’s blessings.

This has been an exciting and interesting career working for one of the best companies in the world.  Pharmaceutical companies have been maligned, targeted and accused of robbing the poor and much worse.  We haven’t done everything right and mistakes may have been made. Many corrective actions have been implemented and new regulations are now a way of life. Pharmaceutical companies are no different from governments, churches, or the UAW  (United Auto Workers) in the sense that you may find unethical and dishonest people in any large institution.  However, my experience has been that 99.9% of people I’ve come in contact with are diligent, honest, ethical, and hard working people.  Our employee parking lot is usually filled by 7 am each day.  Many of the people I work with put in 12 hour days and think nothing of it.  The knowledge obtained from research and the products we make and sell have literally saved millions of lives, extended the life expectancy, decreased suffering and improved the overall quality of life. If you’re reading this, you most likely have first hand  experience of what effective medications used in the appropriate patients, and prescribed in the correct manner can achieve.  If the government continues to support the import of drugs from Canada or other outside countries, and mandate the use of generics, the flow of new drugs and innovative treatments will diminish.  This industry will be extinct as a result of government over-reach.  Today, 8 of the top 10 drugs prescribed in the world are the result of US research, innovation, science, and technology of the pharmaceutical companies.

Fast forward from October 1978 to 2010. Along with Kathy’s loyalty, support, and other family members support, my job has helped purchase houses, cars, food, clothes, healthcare, vacations, retirement plans, savings accounts, 401K, recreation, and expensive educations for 2 boys. They’ve paid for my Master’s Degree which helped to launch my “second” career in counseling. The company’s success has allowed us to give to missions, travel for missions, and help finance others in the ministry. Again, please don’t think I’m bragging, but rather consider it a testimony to God’s provision and faithfulness. Considering depth and the scope of my blessings, my contribution has been negligible.

Enter Phase III.  It shall remain untitled for the time being. In fact, perhaps someone else will provide the moniker after time has passed. Currently, no theme or mile markers are visible. It is a new season of potential.  There are some things I want to accomplish and experience.  First of all, I want to live in the present more.  I can’t change the past and I don’t know what the future holds.  I can know the present and enjoy the moment. Living in the present means stopping long enough to listen and notice the store clerk, neighbors, the waiter and waitress, my family, my friends without regard to my next appointment or item on the “to do list.”  It’s intentional focus on what is being said and what is going on around me in the moment.  Conscious living in the present moment will allow me to experience the smell and scent of country ham frying in a black iron skillet on a cold Saturday morning.  I’ll feel the texture and moisture and warmth of sugary sand under my feet while walking the inlet shore of Oak Island in North Carolina, observe wild sea oats sprouting from white sand hills, gently reaching upward, swaying in the sweet smelling ocean breezes. It’s observing the backdrop to this natural exposition which is an azure clear sky above. In front of me, it’s the shimmering vast ocean which extends from east to west as far as the eye can see. Or it could be hanging out with Kathy on Parksville Lake in the East Tennessee mountains on a hot summer day swimming in clear cool water.  It might be traveling down Rt. 100 headed for family and friends in West Tennessee.  Perhaps it’s further south where Spanish moss hangs from aging oak trees; where noisy locusts and crickets break the silence of evening with screeching tunes and chatter. It’s sitting on my screened in porch on summer evenings facing orange hues of a southwest sunset.

So where do I go from here?  We’re looking at all options which include but not limited to; dedicating more time to my local church (wherever that may be), traveling, teaching at a college or university, working on an advanced degree in counseling, writing, opening a small restaurant, consulting, life coaching, career coaching, wintering in a very warm area of the country, well… you get the picture.  These are my interests and whatever we decide to do (with God’s guidance), it will be something that gives me great satisfaction and a sense of purpose.  Of course this is the planned approach to achieving our dreams.  We can’t see the unexpected, unpredictable and unknown curves that lie ahead.  Hopefully, we’ll continue to have excellent health and healthy kids.  Perhaps a grandchild (or two, or three) will suddenly appear. This much I know is true,

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

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