Some questions to consider:  What is your process for making decisions?  Do you have a process?  How do you decide whether or not to purchase a washer and dryer?  Whirlpool or Maytag, Lexus or Volkswagon?  Are you a leader? Pastor?  Business Owner?  Parent?  Are you aware that decisions have long lasting effects on the future, the flock, our finances, our spouse, children, patrons and a host of other people as a result?

Poor decisions and undesirable outcomes are often the result of making decisions without obtaining information and data necessary to make a wise decision.  Poor decisions are usually made without obtaining advice from those who are directly effected by the decision, procrastinating and not making a decision at all, or failing to communicate or implement the decision.  When we procrastinate and fail to make a decision, we actually make a decision; the decision to do nothing.  At times, the decision to do nothing can be an effective decision. It’s important to understand that doing nothing, is a decision.  Will doing nothing help accomplish your goals?

Having a process in place for making decisions is essential.  Your team, parishioners, family, and those involved with implementing decisions need to understand what the process is.  Otherwise, decisions just seem to happen….or not……in “back rooms,” conference rooms or hallways.  Without an established process in place, clear decisions are rarely made, they’re poorly communicated, and usually shoddily implemented.  Results?  You’re unhappy because those who are “supposed” to implement the decision didn’t know about it, weren’t asked about, aren’t “on-board with it,” and they are disgruntled because they don’t feel involved or communicated with.

Decisions should not be made without involving the appropriate advisors, and people who have knowledge and wisdom related to the decision to be made.  Advisors may be financial experts, spouses, Consumer Reports, lawyers, doctors, lay-people, peers, engineers, builders, children, scientists, counselors, anyone who has knowledge, experience, or who will ultimately be effected by the decision.  Decisions should not be made in the vacuum of your office or your “head.”  I’m always a little amazed and stunned when counseling with leaders (or spouses) who are simply reaping the rewards of a decision(s) made without any input or “advice” from those who have wisdom, experience, or those  effected by the decision.  It’s always a source of anger, disrespect, and a host of other negative feelings when decisions are made without obtaining “buy-in” or advice, from others expected to implement or live with the decision.

Summary

In order to make the “best” decision:

• Establish and publish a process for making decisions.  Frame the decision correctly.  What exactly is being decided?  (This is not as easy as it sounds)  Who is going to make the final decision?
• Obtain adequate input from “advisors” who can bring expertise or experience to the debate.

• Identify a number of viable options.  There are  ALWAYS options.  There is never only one option for a decision.

• Consider the pros and cons of various options.  Make a list and compare benefits vs disadvantages for each of the viable options.

• Make a decision.  Yes make a decision.

• Communicate the decision to all parties.

Now, what if you have made a poor decision in the past and would like to correct it?   I’ll address that questions in the near future.

I recently attended a Christian men’s retreat designed to address a man’s shame, anger, loss, guilt, and fear.  The transparency from each man was astonishing and refreshing.  I met a young man that looked “so together”  on the outside.   He was well dressed, friendly, and had a charismatic personality.  I sat across from him at lunch one day and we’d never met.  I wanted to make small talk. I started to ask him about his family, how long had he been married, did he have children.   I wondered.  He began to share that he had struggled with a gruesome past of meth addiction, same sex attraction, and was HIV positive.  But he was seeking God through prayer and felt that because of his early childhood sexual abuse, he had become confused about his masculinity and who he was in Christ.  He did not want to live the gay lifestyle and had attended  the Marked Men For Christ retreat to receive spiritual help for his struggles. He had great faith and stated that he believed God could heal him of his infection.  At first he was taking 10-12 different pills, now he was taking only one pill, and believed that God had protected his life. I met other men over the course of the weekend who were fighting various addictions and problems that were hindering them from becoming all that God had intended. Former inmates, drug addicts, men who had been shamed by their parents, abused by siblings or other relatives, men who had committed adultery, all seeking help, forgiveness, and healing for their wounds and immobilizing fear.  All were repentant. Were these people who would stand out in a crowd?  Did they look weird?  Sound or talk differently?  Dress oddly?  Not at all. They are God’s children just like you and me.  The “guy” next door.

You have your personal struggles, and I have mine. Admit it.  Look, we all have issues and wounds from the past that God is wanting to heal and restore completely. We are all “children” walking a mine field of life’s jagged journey.  Your journey will be different than mine but we’re connected by our common humanity and frailty.  Sometimes the journey gets tough, it’s painful, tragic, and contorted. Yet we share our humanity and are connected by our fallen, at times frail flesh.  I’m more convinced than ever that we are so “fallen” and so “flesh” like, so needy, that whether one believes in God or not, only a divine, all knowing, all powerful entity or deity could save us from our “fallen-ness.”

Now, go hug a friend, make a phone call, reach out, extend a hand,  let someone know that you care about them. I promise it will be therapeutic ….for both of you.

New cultural environments are always interesting whether it’s food differences or personal habits.  I’ve actually found speckled butterbeans in the supermarket which I had not seen since my grandmother grew them in her garden 50 years ago.  Can’t find those in Philadelphia. Fresh collard greens are plenteous.  I’m not in style unless I go ahead and purchase a camouflage jacket to wear in Wal-Mart. I think they’re actually staring at me with my black mock turtleneck sweater.  I’m sure my southern drawl has been accentuated during these short 6 weeks. Of course, up until our last day in PA, store clerks, (eg. Wegman’s grocery checkers) would inevitably  ask “Now where are you from?”  “Do you live here?”  Yea. For 15 years.  “If you think I’ve got a drawl, you outta hear my wife.”

So, some advice to any one thinking about moving or relocating:

1.  Get familiar with SKYPE and use it frequently.  It allows you to make contact with dear loved ones.  Make sure you’re fully clothed and sober when you make the call.

2.    Never, ever, move or relocate on the promise or false hope of milder, warmer weather.  In fact, if moving to a warmer climate (allegedly Tennessee) you can make a lot of money fast by pre-ordering 10,000 snow shovels from Oriental Trading Company or other reputable Chinese manufacturer for $3 each and then selling them for the low, low price of $49.99.  When the unexpected 10 inches of snow arrives, you’ll have no trouble depleting your stock. I’d also recommend purchasing the same number of sleds or round plastic “saucers” for $15 dollars each and selling them for $89.99.  Yea…that’s a good way to retire.  Not a single store here had shovels or sleds in stock.  Just sayin.  Attention snow plow sales people! Please make an appointment with the local Mayor immediately.  That goes for salt sellers too; county and city are completely out and it’s only January 15.

3.  Find someone who will give you a hair cut without scalping you and lowering your ears by 2 inches.  My Lord.  What does “don’t cut much of the length off and leave me some hair to touch my ears” mean to some folks.  Oh well, I’ll look normal again in 3 weeks.

4.  When placing personal items in storage, remember to rescue your Bose headphones, iPhone rechargers,  or any oriental rugs that will be needed to match paint colors for the new house.  If they did get packed away do not store them in the rear of the unit but in the front for easy access.

5.  Get a a Ford Truck and your “huntin” license.

Many clients (especially men) seeking help for depression, anger, or personality disorders, often describe their mother as cold, depressed, unavailable, ambivalent, distant, burdened, intimidated, lonely, and often a victim of abuse themselves.  The abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual in nature.  One must tell “self” the truth about our mothers in terms of their personal history, their struggles, and their emotional health in order for us to have peace and healthy emotional feelings.  Sometimes clients place the same expectations on their mother which may have severe emotional baggage and limitations, as those dream girls we see on TV, June Cleaver, Margaret Anderson, (Father Knows Best) Clair Huxtable, Harriet Nelson, and you get the picture.  But the truth often includes the fact that our mothers may have been a victim of abuse, and suffered severe mental disorders such as depression, anxiety, or a personality disorder.  The truth is, if our mother suffered from a mental disorder, abuse, or depression, they weren’t ABLE, they weren’t capable of giving us what we needed in order for us  to feel loved, nurtured, and significant. We can’t truthfully hold our mother (or our father but we’ll save that for later) responsible for fulfilling their cultural and God given role as “nurturer” if they are ill equipped, or emotionally damaged.  Problem is, when we’re 7  years old, we can’t process all this psycho babble, we just know we need love and nurturing.  As adults one has to accept the “fact” that “mother” may not be able to give us what we need to survive.  If this is the situation, we must realize that God will provide.  God knows that we need “mothering” and He will provide, whether through another  surrogate “mother” ie. grandmother, aunt, friend, “sister,” or other relative.  One also has to recognize that we are “worthy” and valuable in the eyes of God REGARDLESS of the quality or amount of nurturing one received from “mother.”  Sometimes, “mother” may not have given us what we needed, but we are still worthy and valuable in the eyes of God.  We are sons and daughters of the Father, regardless of our connection with our natural “mother.”  If your mother is living, send her flowers……show that you love her, regardless of what she has given you……

How will this angel of mercy extend a healing touch?  First, they’ll use stimulus funds (aka our tax dollars) to label menus and advertisements with the danger of calories, and perils of sodium, sugar, and fats.  Recently Massachusetts was awarded over $12 million in stimulus funds to do just that.  Secondly, the government vilifies and demonizes the food industry from Kraft to Crispy-Creme, to big Macs, Frito-Lay to Outback threatening to levy taxes on the cost of their ads unless they place warnings on unhealthy foods.   You’ve seen the warning disclosures currently required by the FDA on TV for pharmaceutical ads that run for 3 minutes listing every risk, every side effect known to mankind, that could ever possibly show up by taking this medication.  Picture it now, a  30 second TV ad for Hellman’s Mayonnaise would run 5 minutes in length; 30 seconds about the great taste and 4 minutes and 30 seconds warning you of diabetes, coronary artery disease, allergic reaction to eggs, rash, hives, diarrhea, glaucoma, nose bleeds, hyper-pigmentation and an erection lasting more than 24 hours. Please see your doctor, NOW!

There’s even an assault by food critics on the portion size that restaurants serve.

Is there anything our government won’t do to make our lives more comfy and safe?

To my knowledge there’s not a shred of evidence that demonstrates our government sponsored patchwork of weight loss, nutrition initiatives, and taxes on food products does anything to directly improve our health.  But we can all feel better knowing that someone in central planning is watching after us.

People’s exercise of free choice lies at the core of this issue.  Is there anyone with an IQ above 100 that does not understand over-indulgence of any product or activity (food, sugar, caffeine, salt, calories, lack of or over exercise) is unhealthy?  That message is out there.  People have knowledge and then make decisions.  The government in this case wants to make those decisions for you. Is it just me, or does it seem a little scary that the government wants to mandate the amount of salt and sugar I can use to season my food?

Shady Maple also has a farm market which specialized in fresh produce, deli meat, beef, pork, chicken, at a fair price, and a variety of “country offerings” including a cheap lunch for under $4.  They often offered fresh grilled chicken and bar-b-q and chips with drink.  Hey, Kathy and I were the youngest patrons in the dining area.  We felt great. It boosted our ego.

Well, the modern world has taken over and invaded our simple, country, Lancaster brand living and shopping. Where are the Amish when you really need them?

I visited Shady Maple store today and was sorely disappointed.  They’ve remodeled the entire store.  We saw this happening gradually but did not understand the full impact until today when we viewed the final product.  This time of year, we’re usually greeted by the expansive tent protecting a large variety of seasonal garden plants, flowers, and hanging baskets with Amish clerks manning the cash register.  Cash only please. The entrance has completely been remodeled, re-routed, there is no tent, there is instead a skimpy selection of yellowing geraniums and droopy tomato plants on display within the narrow entrance hall.  Yuk.  Is this progress?  I hate it.  They have completely destroyed the ambiance of simplicity and replaced it with a “modern” touch devoid of my reality, of times past and provide an inferior quality of product.

I”ve reluctantly accepted this transition, although I’m convinced it’s  a negative step headed in the wrong direction, called progress.  Why can’t we leave some things alone? Why do we feel the need to tile, rearrange, carpet, update and destroy articles of the past?  I loved the simplicity and calmness of Shady Maple dressed in 70′s attire. It was a step back in time.  Unfortunately, it’s been retooled, remodeled, reshaped, and no longer resembles anything I recognize or admire.  Why do things have to be so complicated today?

Although they still sell many items in bulk such as cumin, cereal, spices, oats, and I can find collard greens, cilantro, lemons and limes at at good price, I doubt that Kathy and I will travel the inspirational 30 minutes west on 322 as often. What’s the point?

Wegman’s, which is 10 minutes from hour home actually has better prices and higher quality produce. Their fresh baked rosemary/olive oil loaf is warm to the touch when I pick it up. It’s to die for.

I’m sad.  I feel like I’ve lost a good friend.  Good bye Shady Maple….I’ll miss you.

Apparently my membership to the “Pennsylvania Do Not Call List” recently expired.  I have been contacted in the last week by every charity known to humankind asking for my donation.  Political lawyers have also phoned to warn me of the impending doom which awaits our country (of which I’m already well aware of) asking for money so they can take our case to the Supreme Court.  I’m serious.  I received a recorded call from Dick Morris and one other dude (can’t remember his name) asking for a donation (I promised myself that I would not make this a political blog today).

So today, I’ve “re-signed” with the “Do Not Call” list and hopefully it will remedy this nuisance.  I’m not sure why we maintain the land line instead of switching entirely to cell phones.  Not a single person we know or friend calls the land line.  Of course our family and friends use the cell number.  Perhaps we feel more secure knowing that if the cell phone battery goes dead because we forgot to plug it in the night before, we still have a life line to the outside world of talk.

So now, I’m off to the store.  Ok, first lesson, never, never shop at Wegmans on Monday mornings.  Their cupboards are also bear from the ransacking they took over the weekend.  The collard greens were yellow (for you yankees, they’re supposed to be bright verdant green),  No tomato sauce, or fresh grapefruit juice either.  Enough, you get the picture.  So now I notice  there are only two categories of people in the entire store; either the very old with grey hair ( I guess I qualify now), or young mothers with kids in shopping carts which look like model airplanes.  It’s dodge cars as you’ve never seen it (remember the dodge cars at the state fairs? The ones which have the electric sparking cable attached to the ceiling?)  Well that’s what its like.  Several grandmothers were nearly ran over by moms  rushing for the blue light special in the opposite corner of the store.  Wild as usual.

But what got my attention and brought me back to the present, a very enjoyable moment of course, was the red faced toddler standing up in the shopping cart (designed to look like a model airplane) who was announcing his unhappiness to the entire produce section.  Then I watched as the mom, bend over, without effort and softly plant a  “mothers” kiss to his sweaty forehead.  It was magical and facinating to see the calming effect of …what else…LOVE.  The tears dried up, and a big smile came on his smudged face.  See what a kiss can do?   Find the one you love right now and go plant a kiss on their cheek and see what happens…..